Chapter Nine: Did You Think It Was Literally Four Days
Frosties and Original Recipe
Even the march toward death is not a straight line. People imagine it that way — a steady decline, a quiet narrowing, a slow dimming of the lights. But that isn’t how it works. There are days, even very near the end, when you feel good. When you laugh and talk and share stories. When deeply committed friends come by and stay longer than expected. When your sister shows up and the room feels full again. Life doesn’t step aside politely just because death is somewhere on the calendar.
That surprises people. It surprised me too.
But there was a price of admission.
Wendy’s, for instance, is still a perfectly good place for a burger. One day — I think it was Johnna — someone brought a Wendy’s Frosty into the room and the game was on. It landed just right. After that, no one entered that room without a Frosty in hand. It wasn’t spoken. It didn’t need to be. That was the rule now.
As if on cue, one day I really wanted KFC. So I picked some up on the way back from an errand. I probably remember exactly what that errand was, because by then there were so few of them and each one carried weight. I guess most of you don’t know — but many of you may, one day, in the right order and at the wrong time — what it’s like to quietly go buy a burial plot while your wife is still alive. To sit with Bob and make arrangements. To walk through the Memphis Funeral Home and plan the process while being calmly told, “When she dies, you just call us. We’ll come get her and begin the preparations.”
So that’s what we did.
I selected the coffin. We discussed the process. We started preparing the obituary and gathering photographs — well in advance. All the while, my wife was still lucid, though increasingly immobile, spending stretches of time alone in her private space while I planned her homegoing. I arranged everything.
I believe I shared the obituary with her. My memory on that isn’t perfectly clear, but I think I did — and I think she edited it. That feels right. That’s who she was. She would have wanted editorial input. Reading it again now, I’m sure she had a hand in it. She had a hand in so many things. But don’t get ahead of yourself. She was still alive at this point. And yes, I think we had this written and ready.
BRENDA JABBOUR Obituary
(Unedited, as requested)
Brenda Reeves HAMMONS Jabbour, 63, originally from Memphis, TN residing in Seagrove Beach, FL passed away peacefully on October 5, 2014. Born in Tullahoma, TN on July 24, 1951 to the late Bernice Ray Hammons and Daphne Irene Bland (Scott), Brenda was a dedicated church volunteer and had a deep commitment to serving people. So deep was that commitment that in 1994 she achieved her deepest held professional goal to become a Master Clinical Social Worker. She graduated the University of Memphis Summa Cum Laude and a member of Phi Beta Kappa. Brenda helped to develop clinical programs in geriatric care, dual diagnosis treatment and outpatient day services. She was a mental health disaster relief coordinator for the Red Cross in a volunteer capacity, and her crowning achievement included the set up and management of the massive help centers in Memphis for Hurricane Katrina survivors. She was also very proud of her service to the first responders of the September 11, 2001 attacks visiting a counseling center on the first anniversary to help those with mental health needs. With her husband Richard, they enjoyed travel to the Caribbean and in particular the island of Anguilla. She enjoyed participating in Carnival Memphis events through the Grand Krewe of Ramet. In 2007, both Richard and Brenda served as the King and Queen of Ramet. Brenda had most recently attended Christ the King Episcopal Church in Santa Rosa Beach, FL where she was seeking to become confirmed. Brenda loved her family and is survived by her husband, Richard T. Jabbour of Seagrove Beach, FL; son, Corey Michael Reeves (Heather) of Oakland TN; grandchildren Levi, Colby, Hudson, Lincoln and Meili and stepson William Turner Jabbour. She also leaves her Brother Mark Hammons and sister Johnna Wallace both of Southaven, MS. Brenda was preceded in death by her father, Bernice Ray Hammons, her mother Daphne Irene Bland (Scott) and her sister Sharon Dunning. Visitation will be held at Memphis Funeral Home on Tuesday October 7 from 12–2 p.m. followed by a short graveside service at 3:30 p.m. in Forest Hill South Cemetery. Richard wishes to thank all of those that were supportive of needs during these recent times. Thank you to Father Frank Cooper for reminding us through this quote that, “Life is short and we do not have much time to gladden the hearts of those that travel with us. So be quick to love and make haste to be kind”.
But wait — what about KFC?
She loved it. She rallied for days on wings and Frosties. The price of admission had doubled.
And you know what? We were having fun with it. There were smiles and jokes, easy laughter, remembering Black Tie and Tennis Shoe and trips to Turks and Caicos, including a good laugh with Johnna about her beaced adventures. Life was still with us then. Still good.
I suppose the lesson is not to lose any moments — and to enjoy the Chicken Rally when it comes.